Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Monday, June 04, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I think you should read this
Great story from the Alaskan ultra-biker. Doesn't really have anything to do with cycling, but it's still a good read.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
dinner and a joke
Vince made hamburgers today for dinner. They were amazing. He sauteed some mushrooms marinated in red wine.
I think I'll cook on saturday. Any suggestions?
That reminds me of a corny joke my advisor told us in class on wednesday:
Q: Why is a hamburger an unexcited meal?
A: Because it's in the GROUND state
yuk yuk yuk
Update:
--------------------
Instead of saturday, I think I will be cooking on sunday. Feel like eating spagetti? gimme a call
I think I'll cook on saturday. Any suggestions?
That reminds me of a corny joke my advisor told us in class on wednesday:
Q: Why is a hamburger an unexcited meal?
A: Because it's in the GROUND state
yuk yuk yuk
Update:
--------------------
Instead of saturday, I think I will be cooking on sunday. Feel like eating spagetti? gimme a call
Monday, January 01, 2007
procrastination - sorta
Lyrics from the song "Why does the Sun Shine?" by They Might Be Giants
---------------------------------
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace.
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
Yo-Ho it's hot,
The sun is not
A place where we could live
But here on Earth,
there'd be no life
without the light it gives
We need its light
We need its heat
We need its energy
Without the sun,
Without a doubt
There'd be no you and me.
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
The sun is hot - (It is so hot that everything on it is a gas: Iron, copper, aluminum, and many others!)
The sun is large - (If the sun were hollow, a million earths could fit inside; and yet the sun is only a middle sized star!)
The sun is far away - (About 93 million miles away! and that's why it looks so small!)
And even when it's out of sight,
the sun shines night and day.
The sun gives heat,
The sun gives light
The sunlight that we see.
The sunlight comes
from our own Sun's
Atomic Energy
(Scientists have found that the sun is a huge atom smashing machine! The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of Hydrogen, Carbon, Nitrogen, and Helium)
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
---------------------------
Gotta love these guys...
---------------------------------
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace.
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
Yo-Ho it's hot,
The sun is not
A place where we could live
But here on Earth,
there'd be no life
without the light it gives
We need its light
We need its heat
We need its energy
Without the sun,
Without a doubt
There'd be no you and me.
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
The sun is hot - (It is so hot that everything on it is a gas: Iron, copper, aluminum, and many others!)
The sun is large - (If the sun were hollow, a million earths could fit inside; and yet the sun is only a middle sized star!)
The sun is far away - (About 93 million miles away! and that's why it looks so small!)
And even when it's out of sight,
the sun shines night and day.
The sun gives heat,
The sun gives light
The sunlight that we see.
The sunlight comes
from our own Sun's
Atomic Energy
(Scientists have found that the sun is a huge atom smashing machine! The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of Hydrogen, Carbon, Nitrogen, and Helium)
The Sun is a mass
of incandescent gas
a gigantic nuclear furnace
Where Hydrogen is built into Helium
at a temperature of millions of degrees.
---------------------------
Gotta love these guys...
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
just my $0.00002
I originally found this on Marci's blog. I think I shall repost for the good of humanity. Apparently, the good folks at Verizon think that $0.002 = 0.002 cents. Sadly, this is not the case. However, when people try to inform them of this, they throw up their hands and claim not to be mathematicians.
Original audio - about 23 minutes long, excruciatingly funny/painful/sad example of the state of education in this nation.
Verizonmath - blog chronicling one dude's quest for a refund.
KellyHawk - humorous definition of verizonmath the noun.
It's sad how reliant we are on computers/calculators. It's one thing to use them to make your life easier, but when you can't do simple decimal math with a pencil and a piece of paper, it's a bit scary.
Original audio - about 23 minutes long, excruciatingly funny/painful/sad example of the state of education in this nation.
Verizonmath - blog chronicling one dude's quest for a refund.
KellyHawk - humorous definition of verizonmath the noun.
It's sad how reliant we are on computers/calculators. It's one thing to use them to make your life easier, but when you can't do simple decimal math with a pencil and a piece of paper, it's a bit scary.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I feel a disturbance in the store....
What if Darth Vader had a brother named Chad who worked as a day shift manager at Empire Groceries?
Chad Vader...
Genius.
Chad Vader...
Genius.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
crack whores in Austin
Ok, now I've seen everything...
Vince and I had some friends staying with us in Austin for ACL and the Sufjan concert. Kit and I were in the living room watching some TV, and Daniel was outside talking on his cell phone. I went into the restroom. While I was in there, there was apparently a knock at the door.
Thinking it was Daniel, Kit opened the door. Standing outside was a woman in hippie garb (burka, sandals, etc...) She asked if she could come in. Thinking she was one of my friends, Kit let her in.
About this time, I walked back into the room. Her back was to me, so I thought that this was one of Vince or Kit's friends, but it soon became apparent she was not.
Her feet were dirty and she had a kinda desparate look on her face. Something right out of Requiem for a Dream.
She (probably) concocted a story about a black lady who was hassling her and how she just wanted to come in to get away from her. Being the naieve person I am, I kinda sorta believed her. I offered to let her use a phone or call the cops or something. She didn't seem to respond to that. She kept asking if there was a party going on, to which we responded we were headed to bed.
She then started repeating that she "could pay," and that she "was cool," and kept offering to turn us on. At this point we flat-out, categorically denied that ANY of us needed to be turned on by her. She was kinda agitated at this point and was walking further into the house, looking in all the rooms. I got her turned around and corralled her to the living room, right next to the front door. At this point, she sat down on the couch and started reaching in her bag.
By the time I figured out what she was doing, it was too late. A vagrant hippie crack whore was smoking a rock on our couch in our living room! I really didn't know what to do. Vince had retreated into the back room hoping the problem would fix itself. Kit was in the kitchen with an apologetic expression on his face mouthing the words "no physical contact," with which, I heartily agreed.
The moment she was done, I hurried over to the door and asked her to leave. Thankfully, she did. I locked the door behind her.
She kept wondering around the neighborhood for at least an hour, stoned out of her mind...
Was she casing the place? I hope not, but I think she was too high to do much of anything.
Should I have called the cops? Probably. Of course, she probably got picked up soon after.
I hope she's getting help. Drugs can f-up your life. For the rest of the evening, I kept thinking what her family must think about her... whether they know she's a druggie, if they even care, or if they even keep in touch.
Kinda sad really.
Vince and I had some friends staying with us in Austin for ACL and the Sufjan concert. Kit and I were in the living room watching some TV, and Daniel was outside talking on his cell phone. I went into the restroom. While I was in there, there was apparently a knock at the door.
Thinking it was Daniel, Kit opened the door. Standing outside was a woman in hippie garb (burka, sandals, etc...) She asked if she could come in. Thinking she was one of my friends, Kit let her in.
About this time, I walked back into the room. Her back was to me, so I thought that this was one of Vince or Kit's friends, but it soon became apparent she was not.
Her feet were dirty and she had a kinda desparate look on her face. Something right out of Requiem for a Dream.
She (probably) concocted a story about a black lady who was hassling her and how she just wanted to come in to get away from her. Being the naieve person I am, I kinda sorta believed her. I offered to let her use a phone or call the cops or something. She didn't seem to respond to that. She kept asking if there was a party going on, to which we responded we were headed to bed.
She then started repeating that she "could pay," and that she "was cool," and kept offering to turn us on. At this point we flat-out, categorically denied that ANY of us needed to be turned on by her. She was kinda agitated at this point and was walking further into the house, looking in all the rooms. I got her turned around and corralled her to the living room, right next to the front door. At this point, she sat down on the couch and started reaching in her bag.
By the time I figured out what she was doing, it was too late. A vagrant hippie crack whore was smoking a rock on our couch in our living room! I really didn't know what to do. Vince had retreated into the back room hoping the problem would fix itself. Kit was in the kitchen with an apologetic expression on his face mouthing the words "no physical contact," with which, I heartily agreed.
The moment she was done, I hurried over to the door and asked her to leave. Thankfully, she did. I locked the door behind her.
She kept wondering around the neighborhood for at least an hour, stoned out of her mind...
Was she casing the place? I hope not, but I think she was too high to do much of anything.
Should I have called the cops? Probably. Of course, she probably got picked up soon after.
I hope she's getting help. Drugs can f-up your life. For the rest of the evening, I kept thinking what her family must think about her... whether they know she's a druggie, if they even care, or if they even keep in touch.
Kinda sad really.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
We'll miss you, you tough old boot
From Wikiquote
Ann Richards on How to Be a Good Republican:
We'll miss you Ann... I remember being in 1st or 2nd grade when Ann Richards was running for Governor. I can't really remember who I was wanting to win, but all the other guys in my classes wanted Clayton Williams to win for no other reason than he was a guy and Ann Richards was a girl. So, being the little conformist that I was, I said I was pulling for Williams too, even though it didn't sit quite right with me. I remember Williams won the mock election we had in our elementary school by a pretty large magin...
I think we need more people like Ann Richards in politics... It keeps it interesting. Kinky anyone?
Ann Richards on How to Be a Good Republican:
- You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.
- You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
- You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
- You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.
- You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
- You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.
- You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
- You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
- You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
- You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
- You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
- You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.
- You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
- You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
- You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
- You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
- You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.
- You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
We'll miss you Ann... I remember being in 1st or 2nd grade when Ann Richards was running for Governor. I can't really remember who I was wanting to win, but all the other guys in my classes wanted Clayton Williams to win for no other reason than he was a guy and Ann Richards was a girl. So, being the little conformist that I was, I said I was pulling for Williams too, even though it didn't sit quite right with me. I remember Williams won the mock election we had in our elementary school by a pretty large magin...
I think we need more people like Ann Richards in politics... It keeps it interesting. Kinky anyone?
Friday, August 04, 2006
I am an AWESOME car mechanic!!
I started work on my car today around 4:15. At 10:30, I finished. It seems that my alternator decided to crap out, which sucks, because I bought a new battery before I bought a new alternator. I guess it's just as well, because I've had the battery for 6 years, so it was living on borrowed time anyway.
I really love the engineers at Pontiac. Really, I do. I mean, who else would have thought to bury the battery underneath not only the Wiper Fluid container, but also the air filter? This is a stroke of genius. However, I do fault them for this: the alternator is not nearly hard enough to take out. I really would have liked to cuss just a little bit more, and drop 7 nuts on the ground in the pitch black instead of only 3. C'mon, I was expecting more from you guys.
If you've not slept in 48 hours and haven't had much in the way of food, it's amazing what 3 beers will do to you.
I'll pack tomorrow after I go wash all the tree-sap off my car and drop off the old battery and alternator.
night night
I really love the engineers at Pontiac. Really, I do. I mean, who else would have thought to bury the battery underneath not only the Wiper Fluid container, but also the air filter? This is a stroke of genius. However, I do fault them for this: the alternator is not nearly hard enough to take out. I really would have liked to cuss just a little bit more, and drop 7 nuts on the ground in the pitch black instead of only 3. C'mon, I was expecting more from you guys.
If you've not slept in 48 hours and haven't had much in the way of food, it's amazing what 3 beers will do to you.
I'll pack tomorrow after I go wash all the tree-sap off my car and drop off the old battery and alternator.
night night
Thursday, August 03, 2006
procrastination
I'm here at work procrastinating by reading the Wikipedia list of baseball jargon and watching the Rangers blow yet another 4 run lead.
Anway, I ran across this entry, and it made me think back to my days in baseball.
Tools of Ignorance: Catcher's gear.
How true this is. Dammit, it was fun though.
Anway, I ran across this entry, and it made me think back to my days in baseball.
Tools of Ignorance: Catcher's gear.
How true this is. Dammit, it was fun though.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Found on the back of a cereal box
Q: Who would you call if you find Chicago, IL?
A: Baltimore, MD.
Think about it.
A: Baltimore, MD.
Think about it.
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