Dating is bullshit

Dating is bullshit.

There, I said it. Don't try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. It's all about sex appeal. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy voluptuous curves as much as the next guy, but is bra size really the best way to shop for your future soulmate? It's not a bad strategy when shopping for a quick lay or an STD. I know pretty much everyone will agree that beauty is only skin deep, but everyone is also too much of a chickenshit to really see if it's true.

Case in point #1: "As good as it gets". Has never happened, will never happen.

Case in point #2: I went out salsa dancing with a few of my friends from work. I ended up staying after they left, and dancing with one of her friend until it closed down. The girl was a really good dancer, and as we talked, I found out she was a really interesting person. She's going to med school, smart, funny, etc... But she wasn't "Hot." So, after the last song played, I bailed, saying I had to get up the next morning... to do nothing. I rationalized it by telling myself that I was leaving town in a month, no sense in starting something I can't finish. But, then again I worked up the guts to ask my really really hot co-worker out to dinner, with hopes of starting something I couldn't finish.

Then again, even if you do find your soul mate, if you're totally repulsed by her, that's not very healthy either.

I think I'm just on the rebound and am still in a "fuck you, Erin" mode. In the immortal words of the Cherry Poppin' Daddies, "Is the way to get over someone, just to get under someone else?"

Once again, I think I am doing the right thing by swearing off girls (relationships) for at least a year. Maybe the key is to just date the beautiful people for fun while they are young and beautiful, but then when everyone gets old and ugly, then find someone you can settle down with.

Sigh... I thought I had both in Erin. Fuck you erin.

Dear ol' Dad....

Ok... this is going to be a serious post. I've got some issues that I need to work out. You're welcome to read them, but please don't try to help.

I'm not sure I've ever completely dealt with the death of my dad. Most of the time, I don't even think about it, but every now and then I really miss him. It's sad when you start thinking that your boss is the closest thing you've had for a dad for five years. That's not a knock against my dad or my boss, but since I was young (18) when he died, I never really got to know him as a person, rather than just an authority figure. I did some, but I think I was 16 or 17 when I learned that he was terminally ill, and getting to know someone while you're racing against the clock is a bit like someone holding a gun to your head while you're watching a movie and telling you that you'd better enjoy yourself or else. I wish I'd gotten to buy him a beer at the chicken and hear him tell R-rated stories and figure out what made him tick. I've heard stories about him, and he seemed like he was quite a prankster. I think there's a little of that aspect of him in me, but I think Mandy got more of it.

I think the best resource I have, other than my family is his website, http://rdeen.tripod.com.

I was watching some TV ad for a depression medicine, and it said that one of the symptoms is inability to focus. I know I'm not severely depressed, but that describes me to a T. I cannot focus on anything for the life of me. I have 20 million little projects that I've started, but I can never force myself to sit down and finish one. Studying is hard for me. In high school and the first semester of college, that was not the case. Studying was never hard for me. Yet in college, I've found myself so distracted that it's really tough to focus. I keep telling myself that I'm just going to have to buckle down and make myself focus, but it never seems to happen. I have no willpower.

Maybe I just need to get it out in the open and deal with it.

I'll muddle through eventually.